Or better yet, how many times you weren’t?
It has happened to me many times, it probably happened to all of us at some point. Bigger or smaller fears, we all have them. Maybe sometimes I didn’t even realize the fear that was holding me, but I was lying to myself that what I was feeling is actually something else.
Fear … I think of it as one of the hardest feelings. It binds you, lies to you, holds you and manipulates you; it convinces you that you cannot be what you want to be, that the possible is unattainable. Everything becomes confused, insufficient, intangible; what a misfortune it is to be under its mist. It makes you feel alive, because that’s what life is, a permanent stage of uncertainty.
As time goes by you become more and more convinced that you can’t, that it won’t last, that you won’t get there, that it’s too far, that it’s too late, that it’s too early, that it’s useless, that it’s not fair, that it’s too cold, that you can’t because it’s raining, that he doesn’t love you anymore, that you can’t love anymore… You start to think that you are not capable, that it didn’t mean anything, that you will never see her again, that everything is over, that you’re not the same person as before, and the list goes on. It is a long, endless list sometimes of lamentations, sorrows, unhappiness, disappointments, all lived beside it.
Fear has so many ways to convince you of its truths, it can be so persuasive; it will tell you that you don’t know how to swim, that you can’t learn a foreign language, that you can’t travel, that he won’t answer your phone, that no one is waiting for you at home, that love hurts, that you can’t forgive; like a deceptive mistress will whisper that it doesn’t make sense anymore, that you don’t have to text her, that everything is lost, that you can’t fly, that you don’t know how to drive, that tattoos hurt, that you can’t paint, that you don’t know how to draw , that art is not for you … She will whisper in your ear day and night that you can’t be who you want to be.
Don’t listen to your fears. They don’t know what you’re capable of.
Call him even if it’s been 5 years since you saw him and tell him you never forgot him, take the pencil in your hand and make a sketch, let yourself be carried away by the ocean/s waves even if you don’t know how to swim and you will see that it will carry you if you don’t resist it, try to pedal for the first time, love with all your heart , go and visit that country that you always wanted to see, go into the sea at night with a full moon, take pictures, a lot of pictures, but especially those with your eyes; do not be afraid to discover new things, to rediscover yourself.
Everything that comes from fear are elements of the imagination, maybe memories from your childhood, fragments of what made us suffer, of what hurt us once, long ago , or recently, but it is only at the level of the imaginary, of the immaterial. It is our choice if we let it decide for us or if we choose to ignore it; do the things you are afraid of to be able to overcome them, to be able to overcome yourself, to be free.